"No, please stop, stop, its hurting,
stop, ahhhhhhhh, get off me, stop...."
and the sound of begging was lost in the shrills of cry. After he was done with her, she lay lifeless on the bed. Her skin marked with the scratches of nails and bites. Here and there on her skin was red with the marks of his fingers, either slaps or grips. The bed sheet was wet with her tears and stained with her blood. He looked at her, not with satisfaction or cruelty but with shame and pain. He has done it again, he has hurt her again. he promised he won't, but he did. He tried to touch her, to comfort her,but she cringed even with his proximity. He crawled up to the corner of a wall, crouched, his head on his arms. His soft cries made her uncomfortable. She wanted to get up, hug him and tell him it's okay. She wanted to make him believe that he will be fine one day. She gathers all her energy, throws on a bathrobe over her scarred skin, so he could not see what and how much has he done. She walks to him unsteadily. She stands near him. Sensing her presence, he looks up at her. Her face stained with tears of her pain, her eyes welled up with fresh tears of pain she felt for him. She sits down. he looks into her eyes with pathos, her eyes trying to comfort him. She pulls his head to the nape of her neck and felt warm tears washing down her scars.
"Shh baby, it's going to be fine. We are going to be good."
"No, I am an animal. I don't deserve you. I hurt you every time I make love to you. More and more each time, Why do you still let me."
"You don't do it intentionally. I let you because I love you, and I know you love me too. I let you in a hope that one day yo will be fine."
"No, I won't be, I won't be." His cries turn in to a howl of an animal in pain.
As she holds him, her memories drifts back to the time when she had first met him. he was sweet and incomparably romantic. He would relentless in his pursue of her. He showered her with all the love, care and attention of the world. He seemed perfect. She and every one else forgot that perfection is a fiction, that nothing is perfect. Who could have thought at the other side of such a shiny light will be a dense deep darkness. She was madly in love with him. And soon both of them were married. She never asked, and he never told her about his secret. The first night was worst than a nightmare. He tried to keep distance but she was determined to lure him. Being a man, he gave in to her sensuality and the monster inside him took over in no time. She almost died that night. She was angry, she screamed and shouted at him. She wanted to leave, he begged her to stay. He begged her to listen to him once. He told her about how he had been assaulted and abused sexually as a child, not only by his own people but also by strangers. As he grew up he learned to defend himself but it was too late. His heart and mind were already distorted. He had already turned in to an animal. When he saw her, he felt a hope, he felt love, a feeling he didn't want to let go. He didn't tell her of the fear of losing her. With this he cried, cried like a child. Her heart went out to him. She knew it was better to leave, but she didn't have the heart to. And moreover she loved him truly and if his secret comes out, she would die. She vowed to treat him. She thought may be in time her love would cure her. But his wounds were deeper that that. Months passed. She had left her family and friends and he had none. With time he was getting worst. Only one way remained- The asylum. Her heart broke, but she knew that was the only way to get him better. The day the van was taking him away, he cried like a man dying.
"Please don't send me away. Please keep me with you. I will be a good boy. I won't hurt you. These people will kill me...."
She almost died. It took her to turn herself to stone, to not give in to his plea. She went to see him everyday. Everyday he cried and howled to be taken home, yelling how troubled he is there. His cried killed her everyday. But there was nothing she could do. She knew this will be good to him, or so she thought. Three months passed and he was getting worst. his cheeks and eyes were sunken. He was leaner and weaker. She talked to doctors, they said its the medication. She wanted to take him home but they said it will only put him in to more despair. She kept quite. On her one visit she heard him wail, wail hard. A sound that said it's over, it's more that he can tolerate. His eyes, they looked as if they have lost hope. They did not plead anymore, they did not ask her to take him home anymore. They just looked like dead. His kips were dry. He looked like he had given up on life. She couldn't take it anymore. She wanted him to get rid of his pains. She knew what to do. The day she came to see him, she had tears in her eyes. She took his hands in hers and whispered
"I love you, I will always love you." As he felt the chills of steel in his hands, he knew what was it. His eyes shone for a second, then mellowed in farewell to his love. He didn't say a
word. He kept staring at her until she was gone.
Next morning the papers had news of his suicide by slitting his wrist with a blade and that no body knew how he came in to possession of that. She was expecting the news and yet it came as a blow. She lost the only person she had. her knees gave in, she fell to the floor and cried, once again for him. The only darkness in him ate him away. She had nothing left but his secret. Her life had become a misery.
‘The only solace being, the secret remained.’
