From Wasseypur to Nottinghills

Before I start my delineation lemme offer my gratitude and appreciation to the one who presented this idea to me. I must say he is one Julian Assange.

Now I have been walking in the sun for so long and been struggling to keep my self alive in this consummating heat...I see a heaven...I see CCD...and in relief I took a deep breath....NO! STOP!..my mind tried to stop me...but to  no avail...the deed was done..the mistake was made...all the hanky panky smells got blended..and I got all mixed up in the smell of dung and rotting garbage and sweat...DAMN...and i quickened my steps to the heaven ahead.

As soon as I opened the door of CCD I breathed in again....taking in the sweet aroma of my beloved...my coffee...I placed my order and took my fav. place...a place from where I can see both worlds....the Nottinghill...the inside of CCD and the wasseypur..the outside of CCD.

Both worlds are worlds apart...the inside is so sophisticated....with the hues of reds and yellows and oranges..with a slight chill floating around..and moreover people look as enchanting as the interior...men dressed up in perfect formals...or easy casuals..and females decent and proper...no 'glitterati' effects or uncensored showoffs..talking softly...perfectly enjoyable.

And then I happen to glance out just... stricken by how discernible the idiosyncrasy is...there was this one guy in pastel green Capri displaying his so stunning wildly cultivated calves......and a weird tee and Chappals on his feet...then there was this another one with his jeans so low on his hips that it gave an effect of slipping down anytime to kiss the ground...and one proudly displaying his brands of vest he has been wearing...and girls...shining like they have got cluttered stars stitched to their clothes and proudly showing it off...and I din't dare to look down anymore...with everyone's lips constantly moving I was immensly thankful to the soundproof glass doors of CCD.

I had my order by now...I relished the Irish taste of my coffee and then before I could stop myself I was sipping on the blissfully chilled and delicious Frappe....Almost very reluctantly...I had to end my time there...and as I opened the door and stepped outside...it was as if the world outside greeted me...WELCOME TO WASSEYPUR!!!!!!!!

An Enveloped heart- To my best friend forever

Hey ya chum!!!!

                          

                      before you even start reading I must tell you that this is an attempt in vain. No amount of word could ever touch your value in my life, nothing can describe what you mean to me. Blame me for doing this injustice but I just could not hold myself back. We have known each other for practically whole life..okay..I know zyada ho gaya...more than half of our lives (you needn't make that face you know..it still makes you look funky :P). So, like I was saying we have been together for almost over half of our lives. We stepped into the world together, fighting to keep our innocence intact and yet trying to survive. You held my hand through and through. When I came defeated you became my strength.  You were always fighting for me, fighting beside me, and of course how can I forget, fighting with me (you annoying guy). You talked about girls from out school, then your college, and office and of where-not (pretending to be a cassanova), but never left a chance to tell me just how valued I was and still am. You have been the shoulders I cried on without inhibitions (only to be teased later :x). I bitched, I lost, I broke, but you always held me together. You have been my hope to life and world. You made me see what I am.And my confidence- it is you. My friend, my philosopher and my guide. And today I am just letting you know that I might pretend not noticing but I remember every little thing you did for me. And those that you still do. You are my second hero (of course after my father). I love you,

                                                   Always together

                                                           ME

PS: Close that hanging open mouth of yours and put your eyes back in your socket (winked)

The Diamond

 ".....And that's what make diamonds hardest to melt."

 She looked at him only to find him staring back at her.

"Sanidhya, you are not paying attention" , she chided him

"Ofcourse I am..I am thinking what rubbish these textbook writers write"

she got annoyed, "what do you mean".

He made a serious face, "you see I have this most beautiful and precious diamond in the world and it melts so easily'

"yeah, yeah, mr. Richie Rich", she mocked.
"What you don't believe me", he looked hurt.

She made a face at him

"okay lemme show you"
He pushed his chair back, lost his balance and fell down. His head hitting the ground. the effect made his head bleed.

"Sanidhya" she cried, hastily pushing back her chair.
She went to his side, "can't you even look where are you going".
she scolded him and suddenly two lone tears shone in her eyes.

Sanidhya cupped his palms to catch the falling tears in time.
"See i told you I have this world's most beautiful diamond that melts in no time. Do you believe me now."

An Enveloped heart- To 'the one' I love

My Life,

               picking up a birthday gift for you is the hardest thing I have ever done. What can I give a man who gave me so much. Yes! All I want is to keep this smile sticking to where it is right as you read this. You do know how I feel about everything- about you. You can practically read my mind like you are my other half. May be you are, because the way you make me feel, I haven't felt like this , in how long, like ever. You felt my joys and sorrows, pleasures and pains, like your own. and my question remains- what can I give to someone who gave me my dreams, my smiles (that I flaunt all day long), the peace that I feel even with the demons inside. NO! don't answer me. I already know- NOTHING. There is nothing I can gift you. Your birthday or not- I am determined to gift you something everyday- simple pleasures of life, the sweetness of 'US' being together, my faith, my support, my love (how so ever it be). And I will see that I honor my promises to you- as long as I live.

                                                   forever yours,
                                                      ME

Face of fear- A trust broken

Whoever said 'to love and lose is better than never have loved at all' have never really been betrayed the way she has been.


The room is dark.....doors and windows closed...curtains pulled together...it was tough to figure out what time of day it was from inside the house..door bell rings....she jerks fearfully...get all the more tightly cuddled up in the corner...her face digging harder into her arms....there is a persistent knocking on the door...with the equally persistent ring of door bell....she sits there..tight...hoping the sound dies away soon...and it does...she listened carefully for a moment and then breaks down into loud sobs

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FEW DAYS AGO:

"Ishi", a male sound shouted from outside her house.
"yeah baby, am ready, be right there".
She hurriedly moved out of her house...hugged the guy...closed the door and moved out for regular Saturday hangout with Rakhtabh...the man she loved and trusted...the man who betrayed her...and with friends..she loved these Saturday hangouts after long hours of work all week long.

*********************************************************************************
"Ishi, my parents want me to get married", Raktabh sadly announced to Ishi
"We knew this was going to happen na baby"
"Yeah, but now it seems so hard"
Ishi smiled...she couldn't think of anything to say.

"Its your birthday next week", she beamed, "whats the plan".
"Hahahahaha, its my birthday and I am supposed to set the plans as  well...thats not fair at all".
She smiled...she was game...she had a brilliant plan for his birthday..probably last with her and she wanted to make it special....and it did turned out special for him....and petrifying for her

*********************************************************************************
She arranged a poolside party at a very hep hotel...loads of friends invited...they had a gala time....dinner...boozing...dancing...all the laughter.

"Ishi, I want to invite a friend of mine back at home. Its been so long we haven't seen each other, and want to catch up. My place isn't good enough so can I bring him to your place?"

"Mmmm!!!! I don't know Raktabh."
"Come lemme introduce you two"
"Nilesh, this is Ishi...Ishi, Nilesh".
She greeted him with a meek hii...Nilesh had a rugged look...Kindda shady...She did not like his look.

"Raktabh I dont really like him, he sends me creeps", Ishi pulled Raktabh in a corner and spilled out her doubts
He held her face "you do trust me na love. I will be there".
She was confused
"Cummon its my last birthday with you", he made a baby face she so loved
She burst out laughing "Okay"

The mistake was made...her fate was sealed in her that one single word.

*********************************************************************************

Later that night..Raktabh was sitting with his friend while Ishi sat reading in another room...With any other regular friend she would have sat with them..but she didn't really feel confident and comfortable with this Nilesh guy.

"Ishi, baby, I am going out to get some more booze...can you accompany Nilesh untill I come back..Please"
"Do I have to?"
"Please."
"Hmmm..okay"
 Raktabh went out...She went to sit with Nilesh"

"Hi Ishi, I have heard a lot about you from Raktabh...and all good things..I have been so eager to meet you"...and he kept trying to flatter her for a while...while she kept smiling embarrassingly.

"Ishi I want to sleep with you"
This came as a shock to her...it took few seconds for her to register what he said...She felt scared...her demons from past rushing back to her...she excused herself and tried to move out of room.
He held her wrist..
."atleast a kiss, please"...
"No Nilesh, lemme go"...she screamed in panic.
Nilesh held her tightly....threw her to wall...She was moving her face side to side...dodging him...But he was brutal...he cupped her face and tried to kiss...the moment she felt her hand going free..She pushed him with all her might...and ran into other room....she was scared...very scared...She locked the room...She picked up her phone... Dialed Raktabh...ran to her balcony...locked that as well..His phone rang and rang and rang endlessly...time and over again...the thud at the door of the room got stronger...the lock gave in...Nilesh walked in.

"Ishi, give it up to me..Raktabh won't come in unless I ask him to. I am going to do what I want. You either suffer or enjoy"
She grew numb...she wasn't listening...he knew..Raktabh knew...and he agreed...her love...her trust....betrayed...Tears flowed endlessly from her eyes.

The thud at the door of balcony grew louder...It won't be long before this lock gives in as well...She hought furiously....She dialled another number...her brother by faith...
"Bhai please jaldi aa", she cried on phone..."save me"
but she knew it was worthless...he stays atleast an hr and a half away from her place..suddenly the door flew open...Nilesh dragged her to room...fear...she saw raw fear...felt it all over again.
That night...in her own home...she was robbed of everything...her faith...her love..her confidence...her pride and feminity..all by one man....the man she loved...trusted.

Suddenly the door bell rang....Raktabh was home...She hated his sight...She wanted to kill him right there...Nilesh went out....Raktabh wanted to talk to her...She looked at him with sheer hatred....pushed him inside..locked him inside and ran to the rooftop..loud thunder roared...she stood there...numb...for a few minutes...it all came flashing back to her...she started weeping..her cries growing louder..and louder...and into a howl...like that of an animal in pain...grave pain...which was lost in the sound of thunder...She sat there...and cried...she was furious for letting this happen to her again..she wanted revenge...she wanted to avenge her loss..but she knew it was useless...nothing could bring back what she lost tonight...her brother by faith came...found her on roof...sitting in a corner..he touched her shoulders lightly...she cringed at his touch...pushed him away in fear and disgust..and grunted loudly.

That night she lost many things...but gained one...a scar deeper than before...a scar that wont heal...that will stay with her forever like an honest friend...and HATRED.

A fender-bender excursion

"Tani!!!"

my mom called again before i reached towards my new bike. She repeated the mantra 

"Be very carefull" don’t try to overtake, sound horn and put indicators and don’t cross the speed limit of 40km/hr."

"yes mom"

I just wanted to go the class before mom would kill me with all these nonsense. I started the engine and took a U turn and blew a flying kiss to my mom and entered the main road.  The truth was that I was not an expert bike rider. But I never showed it. The way to my tuition required me to go on the main road for 5 mins and then it’s through some roads where there was less traffic. 

Once I dodged the city traffic i reached these area, I became more confident and started riding with more ease.I suddenly changed into Priyanka chopra in some scooty ad trying to show off her new bike to the world. Why should boys have all the fun!!!

I zigged and zagged and swayed. I was lost in my own thoughts and then SSCCRRREEEEECCHHHHHH!!!

 I knew I was going to die when of Scorpio tore into my ears which compelled my stupid brain to command my limps to press the damn brake. Doesn't every instruction have a tendency to rush back to you at the wrong time.But the I followed it, I pressed the damn breaks.

  I could see the ground rotate in front of my eyes as Scorpio hit my activa's rear side. I fell hard facing the dust. I am not even married. I can’t die now.."God don’t kill me", not a virgin at least. What stupid thoughts to think off even when i am dying. I knew something bad has happened to my thighs as pain there was unbearable and my hips got disengaged from the rest of my body. My chest hurt too. I later realized it was the weight of the bike on my thighs that was causing all the pain. It was becoming unbearable, I knew I was dying cause no matter how hard I tried to open my eyes I could not.

Suddenly the pain eased, I was getting lifted. So it was true, soul does exist and it goes away from the body after death. But I was not rising anymore. Such a short trip to heaven or hell , I couldn't confirm."Open your eyes"..Please madam open your eyes.. Oh!!! so much respect.. it must be heaven, then... Yipeeee...I slowly opened my eyes. I saw a ordinary man with a grave expression on his face. Who recruited him in heaven? Fire the HR! 

He was so happy to see me. I looked around, i was in the same place where i had the accident, i didn't die after all... I regained my senses. I was alive after all.

"Are you okay ma'am".

"yeah, am enjoying the dancing, can't  you see", I snapped back.

He looked bemused. He took a 45 degrees spin and ran to his giant car. I was ready to remember his number plate, but to my surprise he came back with a bottle of water

'Yeah try and kill me first and then offer the water'..I thought but never uttered a word. I snatched the bottle from his hand and emptied it..almost.

I tried to get up and a bright light flashed in my mind...the pain was excruciating. I grumbled.

"ma'am please don't move"

"I don't intend to sit here all day all day mister"

He looked at me sadly, "I was just trying to help"

I felt sorry, realized I am being unreasonably rude,"I am sorry"

His lips twitched, "let me take you to the clinic".

he delicately held me up and took me to his car..drove me to a clinic while his driver drove my beastie.

No major injury...sprains and scratches just...He then offered to drop me home..well I should have declined but the questionnaire of my mom made me say yes. And he did save me from my mom like an angel. And that day I decided not to be priyanka chopra again.

I dream of a place at the top of the world
with the silence so profound
that I can hear my thoughts like my own sound
I feel restless like a tiger caged
Helplessness getting me enraged
I have questions I want to answer
Full of doubts I walk like a Panzer
Relieve me oh so called Gods
May be you can win my several applauds
I know you are equally inept
None can relieve me, me except
Turning around to lead my mind
Instead of following it blind
This is tiresome, this taming
And I need to stop blaming
I dream of a place where I can heal
where my revelations do reveal

beach story...concluded

"How long have you been stalking me?", I wasn't sure how I was feeling, "and why"

she opened her mouth to say something..but restrained.

"Why?"

"I wasn't stalking you" her voice was calm...and hurt...but she said no more.
I had no idea what to say...I walked out...She sat there..her head down..probably crying...And at that point of time I was more angry than I cared.

Night was hard to spend..I walked..I drank...I smoked...I even considered walking back to her..but i have this thing for my anger and ego.

Next morning I went running...for two reasons...to pass my time and....in a hope to see her...she was there...running...sad...and lost.

Weeks passed..I did not see her

"Ajaansh, you need to brief the whole Eye project to someone who is replacing miss Ishika in the project"

I stared at my boss blankly...replacing Ishika...why?

I briefed the one who have been working alongside me throughout the project...and I ran...for Ishika...for my life.

"sa'ab madam to jaa rahi hain ghar chhod kar. samaan saara pack kar k rakhwa diya hai aur kahin gayi hain. aur aapke liye ye chhod gayi hain", he extracted a neat envelope and handed it to me.


Ajaansh,

            It has always been easy for you to neglect and forget me, but never for me. Those albums, am not sure if you dint recognize or just ignored, had my childhood pictures as well. yes I am the one you always made fun of..from high school  to grad school and I never stopped loving you. Never in my life I expected to see you again, especially not like this. Trust me, this was all as unexpected for me as it was for you. Still forgive me.
Love 'Harriet'

I was dumbstruck...felt like a fool....Harriet as we called her in school for the 'craters' all over her face..It was impossible to make a connection...But I had to run...To stop her..To tell her I love her...for real.
I ran to her office...An hour of hard work and I was rewarded "Ishika flew to some other branch...Where...no one knows..Only the boss and he is tight mouthed when it comes to privacy of Ishika. hard luck buddy".

I walked out..head bowed...sat on the stairs Aghast..I had lost her.

wait no..the story doesn't end here...Who are meant to be together...finds a way together...and there is one thing called destiny.
2 years later I saw her again...on my official trip to south of France...in a coffee shop...lost in her lappie with a coffee...and man she was still as beautiful..may be even more now

"this doesn't come with an expiry date..does it?"..she looked up in a shock and went pale...she stood up still looking shocked...and hurt..I pulled her to a hug...she reluctantly gave in...and cried.

"Is that Roy guy still around...are you still engaged?" I asked her as we sat and called for a coffee.

"I never was" she looked down
"that ring..."
"my mom's.."

"marry me"
she looked shocked...and slowly her lips twitched...and then SHE SMILED

beach story...towards a revelation

"so tell me about you, have you got someone waiting for you?", damn this was the wrong question. "No, i mean....sorry it isn't what it sounds like..I mean this was not what i wanted to ask".

shit i was stammering

her that smile yet again

"Its okay..I have a fiancé, Roy, he works in the Australia."

"You're engaged?" He tried to hide the crushing disappointment in his voice. He looked at her ring for the first time and cursed himself for not seeing it sooner.

"Yeah, but it's been two years and we haven't set a date so I don't know what that means."

"Well if he's got any sense he'll marry you tomorrow."

"Thanks." She blushed.

Damn isn't she gorgeous. 

Few days later

"I have no real reason to know this but I feel I should tell you that the yoghurt you're about to eat is out of date." I said

She looked at the lid. It expired over the weekend.

"I think you just saved my life." She teased with fake wonder.

"Any time lady." He smiled
"You haven't told me about you yet. Being secretive haan", she teased.
"He laughed, nah, I have nothing much apart from work and this one girl I am head over heels in love with", I almost blurted out nervously...with a smile.
"ohh a girl haan" she smiled..conspicuously...like she knew what I meant

Weeks passed...and nothing was helping me..I was in love..all the more..and she was still engaged to some Roy guy.

We kept meeting in the pretext of work... and I kept falling in love.

Three weeks later.

""Hey, how's the new apartment?"

"Great, I love it there. Gets a little lonely at night though. And I am throwing a little housewarming party, why don't you join in."

"How can I say no to you"...and her smile.

At the party

it was a gorgeous party...in a gorgeous house of the gorgeous lady.

And God she looked like the angel she was...It all was going good..but I was feeling a bit out of place among her friends so i looked around.

There were her pictures and her family's and friends... I was astonished...I couldn't figure out Roy...No picture to indicate she has someone in her life.
I wanted to ask her..She was busy...She looked at me and smiled.

"Are you getting bored", she pouted her lips and mouthed...and i felt like kissing her right then.

I shook my head in disagreement...waved my hands to indicate not to worry and carry on.
I wandered into a room..it wasn't arranged yet..there were few albums...I took one and flipped...my breath got stuck....my eyes popped out...how could this be...this cant be...My head swarmed

beach story....continued

Its been so long now..over a month...I have not seen her..is she ill?...or may be she went off to some other place..or may be she was just visiting here...it was driving me insane..i was angry and agitated.

"sa'ab, bade sahab ne bulaya hai".

"hmmm", I get up half  heartedly.

"Ajaansh, there is some miss Ishika batra from Eye India limited. She will be briefing on what kind of advertising and publicity she needs from us. I want you to handle her account."

Now I wasn't really looking to deal with some arrogant cribbing female colleague right at this point of time.
"sure sir", I smiled.Turned back and made a face as i walked out and to the briefing room.

I could make out some pretty lady already briefing in there...She turned and I stopped dead on my track...IT WAS HER...I always fainted...no wait..I was glued at the door and dumbstruck...She stopped and stared at me...her expression amused...she waited for me to react..to join in...but i was just paralyzed.

"Excuse me, are you interested in joining in or you are better off staying at the door", said she.

I gave her a sheepish grin, "sorry, I am Ajaansh. I will be handling your account".

She smiled and I went nuts again.

I felt alive after 48 days to be exact and I was happy....very happy.

In the evening i went to the beach...and there she was...with a cute summer frock and a long straw hat...watching the sun go down.

"Hi"
"Oh hii Ajaansh"

damn she remembers my name

"if you are done with watching sunset may I take you out for a coffee".

I was ready to die if she said no.

"yes, sure", she smiled and saved me.

we walked to the beach cafe..this was a start...of what I wasnt sure...but it felt right...it felt like a start.

A beach story

She wasn't the princess out of fairy tale, but God she was pretty. She had something about her, like a magnetic pull, and I was being a perfect nut, staring at her like that.

I always loved my morning run at the beach, and today i fell in love head over heels. She had been taking her laps as well, that loose tee did nothing to hide her glam figure. her hair pulled back in a high pony and a band at forehead. NO, she was way better than just pretty.

And then she stopped dead in her tracks, staring intently at something in the sand. A smile crept up to her beautiful lips. Bent down, picked it up- A Conch. She examined it, turned it each ways and then she put it on her ears. Then the magic happened- she smiled that huge electrifying smile of hers and man , I was dead.
'Ajaansh'- somebody called my name. That was someone I used to see every morning here. We had a little chit chat. By the time I turned my attention back to her she was gone, just like that.

I was disappointed. But there was nothing I could have done then, so, I jogged back home.
Throughout the day her smiled kept flashing in my memories and I ended up smiling at myself for no reason, feeling like a fool. Somehow, with a lot of effort the day ended. The night felt longer than usual. I slept fitfully, waking up at every half hour to check my bedside clock. Still two hours to go, and right at its time my clocked chimed.

I got up at an instant and realized how simply the two more minutes of sleep today seemed long and useless. Like a lightning I changed to my tracksuit and ran, YES RAN, not jogged, to the beach. She was already doing her laps there. "Oops I need to get up earlier I guess".

I tried matching my laps to her, so as she is in my vision constantly. After a few run she stopped, staring at a distance where few kids where playing, jumping and splashing water at each other. Again her THAT SMILE, and she walked with deliberate steps to them. She jumped and splashed and played like a kid. And she looked like a kid- sweet, innocent, fragile. Little did I knew then.

'Ajaansh'- I was distracted again. How I have come to hate my name in these two days. And I caught her jogging back, at a distance. She flies, yes, a second and she vanishes. Two days and I know nothing of her, absolutely nothing, apart from the fact that she is amazingly beautiful and that she has a part of my heart and a whole lot of my mind.

I was disappointed YET AGAIN

say no more

It booms
and there is flesh and blood all around
white noise
and then there is no sound
for a long while
all around its so blur
dust and smoke
its all unclear
then one outcry
and follows many more
and then like acid rains
it pour and pour
why have this
why is the war
why kill humanity
and carry the scar

how do we survive
dripped in the blood red
hunched with the load
load of carrying the dead
lets make a world
in our dreams we adore
to the war
say no more
say no more

the magic

"Do you really believe in magic"- she asked him amused

he smiled, "yes i do"

"really?"

"why do you have to ask again"

"nothing, just surprised"

he smiled again

"what made you believe in magics, i mean you are always so much of a reality freak"

he said nothing...she waited for an answer

"you", he said in a slow easy voice

she understood, she smiled

"do you believe in magic"- he asked

"I have to. I just saw it happening", she smiled

farewell love...

Rain
Dark Clouds
Fallen blossoms and pale moon
Hurried flight of birds
Arrival of lonely autumn
Time for us to part
Much have been said yet
We have not come to the end of our feelings
I leave you this poem
Read it
When the silence of the world possesses you
Or when you are fretted with disquiet
And remember
That all my thoughts have always been of you

the face of fear

The calm of the night was irked with a loud painful wail. She was crying uncontrollably, her skin look drained, she was visibly shaking. Her mother came running into her room. This was usual. Most often than not Ishi wakes up crying bitterly like this, from her nightmares. Her mother takes her into her arms and starts talking to her softly..asking what was it. But as usual Ishi only held on to her for her dear life..not speaking even a single word. And gently her mother rocked her back to sleep again. She was just 15.
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It was again that the silence of the night was disturbed with a shriek. She sat up with a jolt, crying, drained, scared..everything she has been then. But this time nobody came running to soothe her and rock her back to sleep. Its been a decade since, everything came and left, but her nightmares stayed. It was a waste of time trying to sleep again. She walks to her bathroom, turns on her shower and stands under it, fully clothed. This has always helped her nerves cool down. She changed, took a chilled breezer from her fridge, turned on her television and sat on her rocking chair, her legs folded up. Her mind eventually drifted back to the time when her nightmares started. That one cursed night.
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She was 12, so excited about her so special birthday two months hence,she will be turning 13.-a teen. She couldn't wait to experience the pleasure of being a teen. Unaware of what the teen have in store for her. Few days before her birthday, when she has been sleeping, dreaming blissfully, somebody slipped in to her bed, alongside her. A hand crept over her body, feeling her up. She felt weird but kept sleeping. The hand slid past the top of her nightgown. her eyes flew open. She felt confused and scared. It went on for few minutes, until the lights in the adjacent room flicked open. She felt the figure slid past her, out of her bed. She couldn't sleep that night again. As the dawn broke, the feeling stayed.
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This went on for the week, gaining one step at a time. She did not knew who he was, nor did she try to figure it out. Every night she lay awake, her eyes tightly shut. Hoping it to be a dream, wishing this would get over. But it went on.
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It was the eve before her birthday. She wasn't excited anymore. The night crept in again, and so did her fear.
She felt someone move up to her bed. Felt her hands being pulled up and being tied. NO, she cried in her mind. No sound came out of her throat, fear got her voice. Then a piece of cloth slid past her agape mouth gagging her. That known someone played with her. Hurting her, Scathing her, scarring her. Her took away her innocence that night, broke her soul and stole her peace and security,  all she was left with was fear, of touch of men. When it all was done .the clock chimed midnight, he bend down to whisper in her ears, "happy birthday baby. You turned a woman tonight". And at that instant she saw the face of the stranger in the night, the face of her fear.
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She never had guts to share this. May be someday she would have with her mother, but with her gone, it was impossible. With her mother's death, the reason of her nightmares stayed with her, as her deep dark secret.

forever...with you

You have to know
have to realise...
even if am not around
am not gone
i never left in the first place
i am here
standing right beside you
holding you through your falls
seeing you through your hard times
weeping in tears
getting wounded by your pains
smiling in your happiness
you are waiting for me in a wrong place
you are looking for me in a wrong place
seek me in your memories
in your heart where you have locked me away
i am there
still
and intend to stay there
forever
with you

One summer night...

scorching weather..killer heat..unbearable humidity..sweating mankind...and suddenly a mild shower spreads pleasant surprises..the restlessness is gone...it felt like rain, peace and love everywhere...the power goes off and I sit at my window...watching the darkness spilled outside..pitch black..somebody stole my moon and the stars were too scared to rise and shine in the dark...it felt as if nothing exists beyond my window..no world..far far away...one red light shines at the top of one tower...as if one bright red star trying to lighten up the whole earth...but in vain...a gush of breeze sends shivers down my spine..reminding me the touch of love..I close my eyes..feeling the moment..lost in it...and slowly open it again to stare at the infinity of this one summer night.