The Greener Grass

Logic does not always stand

you might not be happy with what you have at hand

but your life is about decisions you take

do it so later you won't regret

"Kruti, where are my shoes", shouted Mayank

"Mom, Tiffin", this was her little angel, her 8 years old daughter Mayuri

She was running between the kitchen and all over the house. She thanked God for her 10 year old son was away on a school camp already.

Mayank took Mayuri by hand..planted a haste kiss on her cheeks and half ran to his car. After the car was beyond her line of vision she walked back into the house hastily to get ready for her office.

"You have a message", said her phone..she smiled knowing who might it be from

"Missing you terribly..come soon"..it read..and she hurried.

Walking into the office she had a  huge smile on her lips..her face was all lit up with anticipation.

"Happy birthday to you..happy birthday to you..happy birthday dear Kruti..happy birthday to you", sang her entire office crew..and she knew this has to be Vinit"s idea for sure..She gave him her most dazzling smile..she was very happy. 

At night she saw Mayank picking up her gifts from office registering a faint surprise and a reminder...But when she got ino the room he din't say a word..he had just conveniently forgotton.

Vinit somehow always knew her heart and mind..he was a magician...he always could lift her spirits..make her smile no matter how bad it was...in his words, eyes and attitude she always found herself perfectly special. Something she always wanted from her husband.

One evening Mayank came home with a huge bouquet of red roses..took her in his arms and swayed her all around. She was still laughing with delight when he put her down.

"Guess what", he said laughing..mean while both their kids also came out running eager to know why their parents are squealing. 

"What"

"I got a promotion"

All she could do was bearhug him..and more laughter washed over. It is moments like this whn she realises that they both are still in love and very much so.

"I am resigning", Vinit informed Kruti so obviously angry and upset

Kruti's heart skipped a beat.."Why"

"this isn't working"...and he went on telling her the story of today and of all the times

Kruti hardly ate that night...feigned illness and went to bed early..upset...not really realizing the impositions.

Mayank got more and more busy offlate...Vinit has been her constant companion...movies, dinners, shopping, walks, texts, calls...they were together almost all the time.

"I have go a job offer", Vinit said grinning.

Kruti was shocked.."congratulation", she said without much feel.."so are you going to take it. Ofcourse you will..how silly of me..." she kept talking for a min before realizing she was blabbering.

Vinit looked at her with a bemused smile.."I haven't really decided yet"

"Ohh"...and the day took off...and ended with a three day holidays lying ahead.

Kruti had been distracted...sad..upset...thinking about possibility of spending her days without Vinit...ofcourse they will still be in touch.."but will that be enough?", thought Kruti..She din't want to hink about it. 

Mayank noticed, "wifey are you all right. Is something bothering you."

"hmmm..no", she answered distractedly.

"I am so sorry baby..I know I have been too busy these days..and have been unable to spend time with you..I am guilty..I will try to find a bit more time from tomorrow..Please now smile", and Mayank hugged her tight.

A pang of guilt hit her...she should be upset about this..about Mayank not paying enough attention...but she is more concerned about another man..She should be in love with Mayank..but she is in love with another man.

And this realization did hit her bad..she never realized..never thought about Vinit like that..she tried to deny...all night she tried...but in vain..she knew this was true.

For next two days she avoided his calls..ignored his texts..determined..no matter how hard and painful it was ..she can't let this happen..Mayank loves her..and she knew it..he has been a good husband and a dotting father. And she loves him too.

But this attraction...there still isn't a surefire cure for this schism of heart. Its like a drug you can't quit. It keeps pulling you back. And true to the fact Kruti's resolve melted as soon as she saw him at office after holidays.

"Why have you been ignoring me"

"I was busy. Mayank and kids were at home too"

"well I just wanted to tell you that am staying. But seems like you don't really care", he sulked.

She made every attempt to please him..and with work along she was drained..But at the end of day when he smiled at her..it was all worth it...And thus began a new life of hers alongside her old one..An untold yet understood love story...She was the happiest woman on earth..She now had the best of both worlds at her hand.

But it was getting tiring..this euphoric painful juggling act. And Vinit had been sulking more and more each day.. pressurizing her to get a divorce and marry him..She tried to reason with him but to no avail. She could not leave her kids at any cost...for anyone...and she knew in a way she loves Mayank as well..He has never harmed her..always loved and respected her..yes a spark was missing but in no ways she was ready to leave her family.

Vinit was being very stubborn...he gave her an ultimatum of a week...she should decide..either leave Mayank or him..."I can't even think of you being with another man. Let alone under roof and in a room over a same bed. I get unbearably jealous" 

Kruti knew he was right..had she been in his shoes she wold have felt the same..But had he been in her shoes he would have understood her dilemma.

In that week she had made her decision...She bid a good bye to Vinit...He was too angry to listen or understand..and she knew he was right..She left with a heavy heart.

That evening when Mayank came home she was all dressed up for him..sent her kids to her friend's place..She wanted a night to themselves..for just two of them..She was willing to put additional efforts to create that spark again..The spent an entire evening re-discovering each other.

"I thought you don't love me anymore..I was scared that someday I might come home and find you gone", confessed Mayank and snuggled close to her, "I need you, I love you."

"I love you too"..today she lost a love and found the lost one..she wasn't sure if she should be happy or sad.

*********************************************************************************

"Momma", squealed her son from the door of the house..."Me, you and Mayuri..we are flying to Las vegas", and he took her in his arms and danced like Mayank used to. "My office people expected me to go alone but i strictly told them i wont go without my mom and a devil that hangs around her all day", he teased Mayuri...and they ran all over the house like they would do when they were still kids.

She turned to the wall tear eyed...to the one that holds Mayank's life-size portrait with a garland hanging around. She felt so blessed to have such doting kids...And a husband who loved her truly as long as he lived.. though at times thoughts of Vinit stabs her..But she is happy she took that decision...She is happy that she stayed where she belonged.

beach story....continued

Its been so long now..over a month...I have not seen her..is she ill?...or may be she went off to some other place..or may be she was just visiting here...it was driving me insane..i was angry and agitated.

"sa'ab, bade sahab ne bulaya hai".

"hmmm", I get up half  heartedly.

"Ajaansh, there is some miss Ishika batra from Eye India limited. She will be briefing on what kind of advertising and publicity she needs from us. I want you to handle her account."

Now I wasn't really looking to deal with some arrogant cribbing female colleague right at this point of time.
"sure sir", I smiled.Turned back and made a face as i walked out and to the briefing room.

I could make out some pretty lady already briefing in there...She turned and I stopped dead on my track...IT WAS HER...I always fainted...no wait..I was glued at the door and dumbstruck...She stopped and stared at me...her expression amused...she waited for me to react..to join in...but i was just paralyzed.

"Excuse me, are you interested in joining in or you are better off staying at the door", said she.

I gave her a sheepish grin, "sorry, I am Ajaansh. I will be handling your account".

She smiled and I went nuts again.

I felt alive after 48 days to be exact and I was happy....very happy.

In the evening i went to the beach...and there she was...with a cute summer frock and a long straw hat...watching the sun go down.

"Hi"
"Oh hii Ajaansh"

damn she remembers my name

"if you are done with watching sunset may I take you out for a coffee".

I was ready to die if she said no.

"yes, sure", she smiled and saved me.

we walked to the beach cafe..this was a start...of what I wasnt sure...but it felt right...it felt like a start.

A beach story

She wasn't the princess out of fairy tale, but God she was pretty. She had something about her, like a magnetic pull, and I was being a perfect nut, staring at her like that.

I always loved my morning run at the beach, and today i fell in love head over heels. She had been taking her laps as well, that loose tee did nothing to hide her glam figure. her hair pulled back in a high pony and a band at forehead. NO, she was way better than just pretty.

And then she stopped dead in her tracks, staring intently at something in the sand. A smile crept up to her beautiful lips. Bent down, picked it up- A Conch. She examined it, turned it each ways and then she put it on her ears. Then the magic happened- she smiled that huge electrifying smile of hers and man , I was dead.
'Ajaansh'- somebody called my name. That was someone I used to see every morning here. We had a little chit chat. By the time I turned my attention back to her she was gone, just like that.

I was disappointed. But there was nothing I could have done then, so, I jogged back home.
Throughout the day her smiled kept flashing in my memories and I ended up smiling at myself for no reason, feeling like a fool. Somehow, with a lot of effort the day ended. The night felt longer than usual. I slept fitfully, waking up at every half hour to check my bedside clock. Still two hours to go, and right at its time my clocked chimed.

I got up at an instant and realized how simply the two more minutes of sleep today seemed long and useless. Like a lightning I changed to my tracksuit and ran, YES RAN, not jogged, to the beach. She was already doing her laps there. "Oops I need to get up earlier I guess".

I tried matching my laps to her, so as she is in my vision constantly. After a few run she stopped, staring at a distance where few kids where playing, jumping and splashing water at each other. Again her THAT SMILE, and she walked with deliberate steps to them. She jumped and splashed and played like a kid. And she looked like a kid- sweet, innocent, fragile. Little did I knew then.

'Ajaansh'- I was distracted again. How I have come to hate my name in these two days. And I caught her jogging back, at a distance. She flies, yes, a second and she vanishes. Two days and I know nothing of her, absolutely nothing, apart from the fact that she is amazingly beautiful and that she has a part of my heart and a whole lot of my mind.

I was disappointed YET AGAIN

A love letter..

a letter of love..to love...from love

Dear man of my dreams,

                         before i begin to say anything...I love you...i know you know this...i only hope you still remember this...specially now. i remember when i first met you i couldn't stop my heart from racing..and ever since then...its been the same everyday. i had never been able to figure out why you looked at me and never looked away then..but i was glad and flattered..and everything else a woman could be after holding the attention of a man like you...you not only made my life special but so worth living...that i hated the idea of death and heaven...and now..as am dying...i realize i don't want this...i don't want to leave you even for heaven...your arms..your home was my heaven ...i wish i could turn the time around..but we both know we cant do that.
               i know the intensity of pain you must be feeling now..and i know its not going to be easy...but i want you to do few things...i want you to smile every time you think of me...the moments we spent together...every time you look it to the mirror..i want you to see the face i loved...the sparkles of the eyes that were my light..the smile that made me happy...still does..even from such distance...i want you to see the man who was my life...n i want you to keep him alive..exactly like the way i loved...grant me these promises..consider them my last wish..darling...let me keep you happy still..i would never be in peace knowing i have caused you so much of pain...do this for me...one last time

                                                                                                             love,
                                                                                                     the lady of your memories